I want to take a moment and apologize to all the people that write the blogs I follow. Lately I have not been going to your sites to read and enjoy your wonderful posts, and give you my normal off color comments or a “Like”.
Normally, I use whatever free time I have at work or at home to get to your blogs and read what’s new. But unfortunately two things have happened that has prevented me from being able to do so. Those things are Nazis and addiction. That is correct, here lately I have had to deal with Nazis and addiction and I believe my two adversaries are winning.
First the Nazis… Or what you may refer to as your work place “IT personnel”. You see, my IT person at work does not believe in freedom or laughter; and believes that any site on the Interweb that gives you these things should be blocked. Unfortunately, Nergfoogle and all your wonderful blogs fall under the freedom and laughter categories, so naturally they have been blocked. With the exception of a 1 hour window during lunch, I cannot view any (And I do mean ANY) blog from 8am to 5pm. I guess I could try to get to all your sites during my lunch hour… But that is when I go outside and throw raw meat at the people that live under the bridge. And if I am not allowed to do my charity work… life is just not worth living.
Because of the Nazis at work, that pretty much leaves me with when I am at home to be able to go to your blogs… But that then gets us into the addiction part of my story. Right now I am fighting an addiction… No, that’s not correct; I need a different word than “fighting”. Oh, I know… Right now I am completely enjoying and embracing an addiction. Yup that’s a much better description. Because truth be known, I’m loving this addiction. I cannot wait to get my next hit, and have pretty much blown off all may other responsibilities for this addiction… and I really don’t care!!! Right now my veins are pulsing, and my mind is race, just thinking about it… That sweet, sweet high that can only come from one thing….
Yes, fellow bloggers, I have a Breaking Bad addiction. You see, I’m probably one of 5 people on the planet that has never watched a single episode of Breaking Bad. From 2008 to just a few weeks ago, this show was on AMC, and I had no clue of its addictive qualities. I’ve read and watched a lot of very good reviews on the show, but could never bring myself to watch it. I have no real good reason for not tuning in…. Well it did air at the same time I normally poured gallons of Elmer’s Glue on the slow (but lovable) neighbor kid. But I could really do that at any time… To be honest, I prefer to wait till 3oclock in the morning and sneak into his room while he is sleeping to do this. That way I can leave him a note from the Tooth Fairy saying this was retribution for him having no teeth to collect. My goal is to have him start pulling his teeth, so I can put them under my pillow and get free money. Did I ever tell you that some of my neighbors have restraining orders on me?
Anywho… I decided that I would put my (one month free / No obligation to sign up ) Netflix account to good use, and watch every episode of Breaking Bad. I figured a month should give me time to get through the 6 seasons the show aired. I started the pilot episode around 6pm last Friday evening. This is how my weekend went…
Friday 6PM…………………………………………………….. And it’s Monday
I did not even watch ANY football this weekend. This show is addictive as the drugs they sell. In case you are one of the other 4 people on the planet that have not seen the show. It is about a high school chemistry teacher who makes crystal meth with one of his flunky students. So yes, it focuses on family values and the importants of studying hard in school. I managed to get through the first 3 seasons and part of season 4 this weekend…. And still found the time to feed my children….. At least once or twice….Hmmmmmm, I did feed them… right? You know, now that I think about it, I don’t remember ever seeing my son during that time…. Or even after…. Oh I’m sure he is out with friends…. Or maybe that knock on the door Sunday was child services….. Again.
Well anyway, what I’m trying to say is that right now, I must give into my addiction and finish out the Breaking Bad series. I’m hoping that it will be rainy this weekend, and I can get through season six by Sunday. I was considering not sleeping, to get it done faster. But I need to be well rested when I sneak into little Billy’s room at 3am and cover him with glue.
So to sum up… I’ve got a free month of Netflix, and I’m going to suck the marrow out of its bones before my time is up. I’ll try to get to you folks when I can… If not, I’ll see you on the other side.
I have to create this post quickly. You see it’s my lunch hour at work and that is the only time I can gain access to my site now. Our IT Nazi…errrrrrrr, I mean, IT personnel, decided that all blogs are evil. They make law abiding citizens become ravenous creatures or Republicans, so no one is allowed to view one during normal business hours. I now only get the lunch hour to work on it or view anything on it. Jesus, what’s next…? They want actual work to be done!?!?!?!?
So enjoy these few observations I have for today. I hope they enlighten you and open up that dark hole you have in your hearts, to allow you to love again.
How does a man with a very small penis compensate?
I knew it… I never trusted Poo
Sometimes I like to shut the door to my office and just relax…
Do you have a moment to hear about our lord and savior Jesus Christ?
Black hobo with white girl banana porn…. Yup, this is how it looks.
How it feels, when you are on the third hour of a ten hour drive…
Click to see gif
Day 32 and the cows still have not caught on…
Bacon porn…. Is the best porn!!!!
Last fucking time I go to one of those company, team building retreats…
To all those people who have un-followed me…
Silly woman… Trying to do man things….
Why are all our Super Heroes so serious today?
Ooooooooooooh…. So it wasn’t a salute after all… It was just a perch for his bird.
I hate it when Amish teens go out joy riding…
I knew that’s how it happens…
I really hate it when, the LSD kicks in as my favorite show is on….
Today’s top story…. Baby being slowly digested by shark on the beach… Pictures at 11.
A true sign of how good you are at something, is how easy you make it look.
One of the worst memories of my childhood.
Click to see gif
I was told that all successful websites have cute pictures and gifs of cats. Well, OK then….
OK, the last one was not of a cat… But you have to admit, his shorts were cute.
Motivation for the masses.
These should help you all get through your day…
You are welcome.
Plus, it’s late, I’m tired, and I really did not want to write anything…. Sooooo yes, this is a lame excuse of a post….
Again, you are welcome…
I’d like to take a moment to thank all our veterans who have served…
Including all my shipmates (Past & Present) on-board the USS Robert G. Bradley FFG49.
God Bless and be safe.
I feel a spree coming on….
It’s up to you to determine if it will be shopping or killing…
It hurts, it hurts a lot. Dying really sucks, and I do not recommend it for anybody. I’d have to say that on my list of things, I really do not like. Dying covers the first four spots. It’s not much fun feeling the searing heat of a bullet cracking open your skull, ripping through your frontal cortex and taking half of your brain with it, as it exits the back of your head. Or feeling the skin on your back separate as the lash of a whip comes down on it more times than you can count. Who can like the thoughts that race through your mind, as your airway has been chocked closed, and your eyes roll to the back of your head, while you are fighting for the relief of a single, solitary breath…. That never comes.
I have been shot, stabbed, strangled, skinned, blown up, burned, decapitated, and even dismembered one appendage at a time. Oh and let’s not forget the time I was forced to drink all that milk and then made to jump, stomach first, on a bed of spikes. That one was actually pretty cool to see… Even if it was me lying there bleeding out 16 gallons of milk from 50 different holes. But no matter how many times, and how many different ways they invent to kill me… I always wake up as if nothing happened. Such is my lot in life I guess.
Now before we go any further, I’m sure you have a few questions…. So here are a few answers.
1. No, I am not a super hero. I’m just a normal guy that likes the NFL, pizza, and the group Loverboy. When this all started, I really wasn’t in that great of shape. I had a slight case of asthma and could barely lift 50lbs over my head. I wasn’t even that good looking. Which, I guess isn’t that important of a detail. But I wanted to get that slicked back hair, chiseled chin, Superman image out of your head. Think more of the 98lbs weakling with bad hair and a slight acne problem.
2. No, I do not have a death wish; actually just the opposite. I like life, and wish to continue mine. Life is fun, and you get to do all sorts of really great things during it. Life is where I got to see my first Styx concert; have my first kiss…. With a girl! And where I got my first boner watching scrambled porn. I really want to continue on with my life to see what other wonderful things are to come. That is possibly the reason why I have not died yet.
3. I’m in Hell. Not the metaphorical meaning of the word. “Oh pity me, I’ve died 1000 times and my life is hell (Boo Hoo)”. No, I mean… I’m in Hell; THE REAL HELL. You know, fire and brimstone, a big evil guy called the Devil roaming the blood stoked halls of endless corridors looking for new souls to snatch…. Hell. Yup, that is the real Hell… The bible pretty much nailed it.
How did I get here you ask? Well, to start off, I’m not a bad person; just the opposite actually. I’m a pretty clean cut kid, that doesn’t get into much trouble. I’m pretty good with my parents, even though they can be douches at time. I go to church (when mom makes me). I haven’t murdered anybody or committed genocide. Oh that reminds me, I did meet Hitler while I was down here. Speaking of a douche; the guy gets so pissed off when you don’t cower in fear when he enters the room. He stomps around shouting shit in German, expecting everyone to just stop what they are doing and praise him for being this big shot evil dude. The first few times I met him, I have to admit, I was a little intimidate… I mean it was Hitler for Christ sake. But, after a while, you got to see what a real clown this douche was; and without his army to back him up, he’s nothing more than a loud mouth racist that cannot get it up, unless you stick a riding crop up his asshole. So after a while I just stopped giving a shit about his presence, and have had to let him know a number of times, that I don’t really care for his shit. Even in Hell, some of us just don’t like racist. Actually, if the guys back home could have seen me telling Hitler to “Shut the fuck up”, to his face, they would have probably crapped their pants.
Oh yeah, I’m 14. Well, that is how old I was when I was taken. Or how old I am now… at this present… What I mean is; I was 14 at the time I was first abducted, and will always be 14 in a sense… But I have been other ages also. I’ve been 21… (Woo Hoo got my first legal beer), and 37 (That was a good trip), I’ve even been 967… and still had all my hair!!! Time does not really mean much here. I was originally taken in 1982 (Why the hell else would I say I liked Loverboy). But I have surfaced in the 1800’s, the 1960’s, I believe the furthest out I have been was 4723. Want to know who won the Super Bowl that year…? Or is there even human life then… human as you understand it.
When the heck am I even writing this now….? It’s 2013??? Oh, crap, you folks have a lot of shit to go through soon. Tell me; is New York still above water??? I jest…. Or am I?
Oh, and I’m a virgin…. That is the REAL reason I’m still alive.
I can see you are getting that “Deer in the head lights” look on your face, meaning you are confused. So let me start from the beginning.
Hello, my name is Timothy, and I am in love…
To be continued… (If you all don’t think this sucks)
Here is a shot a our hero Justin Bieber being a ghost outside a Brazilian Brothel. Notice how scared all the non-ghosts are of Mr Bieber in his costume. I’m sure that this years costume entry is assured to get Justin the first place trophy at the “Scurvy Under the Sea” sock hop.
Naturally there is one question that comes to all our minds, but was never asked of little Justin at the time of his spooking. So I guess I’ll just ask it now. Why did Mr. Bieber feel he needed to put on this costume to scare people, when his music does an excellent job of that already.
I guess some people just want to see the world burn….
I’m told next week, Justin will be leaving a Filipino whore house as the purple Teletubby. SPOOKY!!!!!