Here are a few Christmas observations, before I go back into exile.
Here is some nice X-mas music to enjoy as you go through these….
Hey Charlie Brown…… Let’s kill Lucy
Reindeer’s Big Night…. and guilt ridden morning.
Santa: Here is the ball you wanted Billy….
Billy: Kill me Santa…
Also gotta send someone to deal with the “Naughty List” you know….
Time to do some last minute Christmas shopping for the family members I’m not so close to….
The Nintendo game I would have liked to see when I was a kid….
Christmas is FABULOUS!!!!!
Let is snow….. Let it snow….. Let is snow.
I’ve placed a mistletoe above something, and you all get to kiss it.
You want a Coke mother fucker????
Here is a Kiss under the missile toes…
As a Christmas gift to you all, here is a picture of my cock….
You know…. All the shit under the tree used to be for me, before you came…
On this weeks episode of “Elves Gone Wild”….
Get her the Santa Chocolate she’ll love….
Merry Christmas Everyone
Nergfoogle would like to wish all of our readers a Very Merry Christmas.
I personally don’t give a rat’s ass about the holiday. But I figured I should come out of my self created exile, to wish my readers the happiest of seasons…. Bah Humbug!!!
I personally am someone that is happier when this God awful holiday is over. My hatred for the season starts right after Halloween and reaches combustible proportions by the 25th of December. I mean it, I cannot stand this holiday. I believe it is related to all the shit that comes with it. For starters…. Why the fuck are there so many luxury car commercials during this season? Are there really that many people that can afford these over priced cars? Or do the dickheads that buy them demand that we all know how much Santa loves the rich more than the rest of us?
And WHAT THE FUCK is up with that damn, “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” cartoon? You do know it was penned and illustrated by Satan himself, don’t you?
Oh, and now they have introduced headphones that can turn around to allow us all to hear the shit music others are listening to. Because God knows how much we all love to listen to OTHER PEOPLES music. I got stuck in an elevator with some 11 year old little shit, listening to Justin Bieber… She turned those damn things around to fill the closed confines we were all in with the blood draining sounds that only a prepubescent could enjoy. I truly considered suicide at that moment….. More like murder suicide I guess.
The only solace I got out of this holiday season was that I was able to finally tell my son the truth about Santa…… He is an illegal alien and was deported.
But, even though I am not a fan of the season, I still do try to put on my best face for everyone else. And that is why I have dragged an oldie but a goody out of the deep dark regions of Hot Lard. Below is a Christmas mad lib I did several years ago. And because it is so loved (and I am lazy as hell) I’ve decide to beat this dead horse one more time for your enjoyment. Also, nergfoogle has not been around long enough to build as chilling, frighting, and soul sucking of a search terms list as Hot Lard has.
So, sit back relax and enjoy this Christmas gift from nergfoogle and Hot Lard.
A Very Merry Hot Lard Mad lib
We are placing a Christmas Mad lib in your stocking. What we did for this one was to take the x-mas classic “The Night Before Christmas” and added all the sweet little search terms you horny elves have used to find our jolly little site. Remember, the red bold type words are the ones you reindeer rapist have come up with.
If you like, click on the video below to listen to sweet sweet Christmas music as you read.
The Christmas Adventures of Midget Porn
‘Twas the night before midget anal sex, when all through the HOT RUSSIAN WHORE
Not a tard was stirring, not even a crazy crack whore;
The redneck bras were hung by the hot anal women with care,
In hopes that dickchop.com soon would be there;
The lard ass girls were nestled all snug in their smelly pussy,
While visions of fat midget porn danced in their heads;
And Liliya Galimowa in her ‘kerchief, and Midget Porn in a gay redneck ass,
Had just settled down for a long anal aftermath,
When out on the rainbow bright there arose such a ejaculation,
I sprang from mary kate olsen’s butt to see what was the matter.
Away to the nude nuns I flew like a “crack head”,
Tore open the ass raping mother fucker and anal fucked the gay midget.
The vanessa hudgens on the breast of the new-fallen anal bumps
Gave the lustre of an anal sex woman below,
When, what to my wondering nut sack should appear,
But a midget granny fucker, and eight tiny fat hairy midgets,
With a little old nude redneck , so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment HOW TO SWALLOW GALLONS OF CUM
More rapid than fart porn his coursers they painted a face,
And he farted, and Shit in his pants, and called them by name;
“Now, anal sex! now, vampire smile! now, ugly teen and little russian pussy!
On, funny ejaculate! on jimi hendrix! on, jesus fucking christ and john holmes is a pussy!
To the top of the nude camp! to the top of the mudfall!
Now anal rape! anal rape! anal rape them all!”
As rotting teeth that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with a tubgirl, mount to the sky,
So up to the tree man the coursers they cum in my eye,
With the sleigh full of hot football gays, and granny midget porn videos too.
And then, in a tub full of seaman, I heard on the roof
The hot midget asses of each little russian nude.
As I drew in my nude 54 yo, and was fucking sick midgets,
Down the large hot asses bad newz kennel came with a bound.
He was dressed all in corn shit, from his big head to his hot anal,
And his russian whore wendy was all tarnished with redneck ejaculation.
A bundle of gay midget movies he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a dickchop explorer just opening his pack.
His redneck teeth — how they twinkled! his lard ass how merry!
His anal whores were like roses, his “corvette hotties” like a cherry!
His droll little cat teeth were drawn up like a little nudie,
And the bukkaki on his chin was as white as the midget ejaculation;
The naked picture of vanessa hudgens he held tight in his teeth,
And the hot anal women encircled his head like a nude midget;
He had a broad Jessica Lunsford and a little round hot highschool jock,
That shook, when spitting seman like a bowlful of flat russian whores fucking
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old gay redneck midget.
And I laughed when I saw him ejaculate, on Midgets dress like elves;
A wink of his hot teen sphincter and a twist of his adult diaper,
Soon gave me to know how to do anal sex;
He spoke about DRUNK GIRLS puking and went straight to his anal hurts,
And filled all the russian midgets; then turned with a double d midget whore,
And laying his crack pipe aside of his skinny midget,
And giving a nod, up the crack whore anal he rose;
He sprang to his john couey, to his tard midget gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like hot french hookers.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
“Burn in Hell, Mother Fucker, and i masturbated on your wife“.
Hello all, sorry for a long period of absence from posting. I’ve been away for a while. It’s sort of difficult to explain exactly where I’ve been for the past few weeks, so I’ll just say I was in prison. I”m sure that is an explanation you’d all find plausible for the likes of me.
I’m back for a short period of time… I say that because I know I’ll break my probation and get sent back soon. But before I disappear again, I thought I’d share some of my Observations with you.
Oh by the way, just in case I miss it, I’d like to wish you all a Happy Holiday Season… and a Happy New Year…. And a Happy Easter…. Valentines Day, Fourth of July, Summer Solstice, Memorial Day, Halloween, National Potato Day, Elvis’s Birthday, National Skid Marks Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Chanukah, Kwanza, and any other heathenish holidays you blood thirsty degenerates will be celebrating in 2014.
The wheels on the bus go….. NOWHERE!
I believe there is an evil soul living in my cell phone.
Last year I slipped Santa a mickey in the milk and cookies I left him, and then stole all his toys…
What I do 90% of the time while I am at work….
How I felt after Thanksgiving dinner… and whenever I eat really bad Mexican food.
Need to click the link to see gif
Someday, Little Toot….. Someday.
What if Disney animation went in a different direction?
Close the door quicker please….
So I guess if you fail at one, you can always try the other…
My wife and I used to use shows on Nickelodeon to keep our children busy when we wanted to have “sexy time”. But that all had to stop one unfortunate day…
Wal-Mart continues to show how much they care about their employees… By selling products even they can afford.
What a Kung-Fu movie would look like, if I stared in it…
Apparently, water makes boobs grow….
I wonder what is grown here…
Aw, Fuck…. I just bought a boat.
I’m still considering the whole Disney animation going a different direction thing…
…. and what if Batman animation was made to serve certain fetishes?
…. and Care Bear cartoons had more of an edge to them?
… and champagne commercials had a hidden meaning?
…. and trucks were full of large golden penises.
No Spongebob…. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Holiday travel can be killer…
What if Santa did not have his iconic white beard….?
Need to click to see gif
AND YOOOOOOOOOOOOOUU….YOUSH LIGHT UP MY LIIIIIIIIIIIIIFE…. *BURP*
Hello Ladies…. My eyes are up here.
After a meal at Taco Bell… This is a Stairway to Heaven.
My wife does not allow me to do the Christmas decorations any more…
Ummmmmmmmmmmmmm…. I got nothing.
That’s all I have for now… I’m outta here
Oh wait, I almost forgot the cute kitty photos to help me increase hits on my site….
No comment or explanations is needed….. Actually this one has left me pretty much speechless.
I want to take a moment and apologize to all the people that write the blogs I follow. Lately I have not been going to your sites to read and enjoy your wonderful posts, and give you my normal off color comments or a “Like”.
Normally, I use whatever free time I have at work or at home to get to your blogs and read what’s new. But unfortunately two things have happened that has prevented me from being able to do so. Those things are Nazis and addiction. That is correct, here lately I have had to deal with Nazis and addiction and I believe my two adversaries are winning.
First the Nazis… Or what you may refer to as your work place “IT personnel”. You see, my IT person at work does not believe in freedom or laughter; and believes that any site on the Interweb that gives you these things should be blocked. Unfortunately, Nergfoogle and all your wonderful blogs fall under the freedom and laughter categories, so naturally they have been blocked. With the exception of a 1 hour window during lunch, I cannot view any (And I do mean ANY) blog from 8am to 5pm. I guess I could try to get to all your sites during my lunch hour… But that is when I go outside and throw raw meat at the people that live under the bridge. And if I am not allowed to do my charity work… life is just not worth living.
Because of the Nazis at work, that pretty much leaves me with when I am at home to be able to go to your blogs… But that then gets us into the addiction part of my story. Right now I am fighting an addiction… No, that’s not correct; I need a different word than “fighting”. Oh, I know… Right now I am completely enjoying and embracing an addiction. Yup that’s a much better description. Because truth be known, I’m loving this addiction. I cannot wait to get my next hit, and have pretty much blown off all may other responsibilities for this addiction… and I really don’t care!!! Right now my veins are pulsing, and my mind is race, just thinking about it… That sweet, sweet high that can only come from one thing….
Yes, fellow bloggers, I have a Breaking Bad addiction. You see, I’m probably one of 5 people on the planet that has never watched a single episode of Breaking Bad. From 2008 to just a few weeks ago, this show was on AMC, and I had no clue of its addictive qualities. I’ve read and watched a lot of very good reviews on the show, but could never bring myself to watch it. I have no real good reason for not tuning in…. Well it did air at the same time I normally poured gallons of Elmer’s Glue on the slow (but lovable) neighbor kid. But I could really do that at any time… To be honest, I prefer to wait till 3oclock in the morning and sneak into his room while he is sleeping to do this. That way I can leave him a note from the Tooth Fairy saying this was retribution for him having no teeth to collect. My goal is to have him start pulling his teeth, so I can put them under my pillow and get free money. Did I ever tell you that some of my neighbors have restraining orders on me?
Anywho… I decided that I would put my (one month free / No obligation to sign up ) Netflix account to good use, and watch every episode of Breaking Bad. I figured a month should give me time to get through the 6 seasons the show aired. I started the pilot episode around 6pm last Friday evening. This is how my weekend went…
Friday 6PM…………………………………………………….. And it’s Monday
I did not even watch ANY football this weekend. This show is addictive as the drugs they sell. In case you are one of the other 4 people on the planet that have not seen the show. It is about a high school chemistry teacher who makes crystal meth with one of his flunky students. So yes, it focuses on family values and the importants of studying hard in school. I managed to get through the first 3 seasons and part of season 4 this weekend…. And still found the time to feed my children….. At least once or twice….Hmmmmmm, I did feed them… right? You know, now that I think about it, I don’t remember ever seeing my son during that time…. Or even after…. Oh I’m sure he is out with friends…. Or maybe that knock on the door Sunday was child services….. Again.
Well anyway, what I’m trying to say is that right now, I must give into my addiction and finish out the Breaking Bad series. I’m hoping that it will be rainy this weekend, and I can get through season six by Sunday. I was considering not sleeping, to get it done faster. But I need to be well rested when I sneak into little Billy’s room at 3am and cover him with glue.
So to sum up… I’ve got a free month of Netflix, and I’m going to suck the marrow out of its bones before my time is up. I’ll try to get to you folks when I can… If not, I’ll see you on the other side.
I have to create this post quickly. You see it’s my lunch hour at work and that is the only time I can gain access to my site now. Our IT Nazi…errrrrrrr, I mean, IT personnel, decided that all blogs are evil. They make law abiding citizens become ravenous creatures or Republicans, so no one is allowed to view one during normal business hours. I now only get the lunch hour to work on it or view anything on it. Jesus, what’s next…? They want actual work to be done!?!?!?!?
So enjoy these few observations I have for today. I hope they enlighten you and open up that dark hole you have in your hearts, to allow you to love again.
How does a man with a very small penis compensate?
I knew it… I never trusted Poo
Sometimes I like to shut the door to my office and just relax…
Do you have a moment to hear about our lord and savior Jesus Christ?
Black hobo with white girl banana porn…. Yup, this is how it looks.
How it feels, when you are on the third hour of a ten hour drive…
Click to see gif
Day 32 and the cows still have not caught on…
Bacon porn…. Is the best porn!!!!
Last fucking time I go to one of those company, team building retreats…
To all those people who have un-followed me…
Silly woman… Trying to do man things….
Why are all our Super Heroes so serious today?
Ooooooooooooh…. So it wasn’t a salute after all… It was just a perch for his bird.
I hate it when Amish teens go out joy riding…
I knew that’s how it happens…
I really hate it when, the LSD kicks in as my favorite show is on….
Today’s top story…. Baby being slowly digested by shark on the beach… Pictures at 11.
A true sign of how good you are at something, is how easy you make it look.
One of the worst memories of my childhood.
Click to see gif
I was told that all successful websites have cute pictures and gifs of cats. Well, OK then….
OK, the last one was not of a cat… But you have to admit, his shorts were cute.