Here are a few Christmas observations, before I go back into exile.
Here is some nice X-mas music to enjoy as you go through these….
Hey Charlie Brown…… Let’s kill Lucy
Reindeer’s Big Night…. and guilt ridden morning.
Santa: Here is the ball you wanted Billy….
Billy: Kill me Santa…
Also gotta send someone to deal with the “Naughty List” you know….
Time to do some last minute Christmas shopping for the family members I’m not so close to….
The Nintendo game I would have liked to see when I was a kid….
Christmas is FABULOUS!!!!!
Let is snow….. Let it snow….. Let is snow.
I’ve placed a mistletoe above something, and you all get to kiss it.
You want a Coke mother fucker????
Here is a Kiss under the missile toes…
As a Christmas gift to you all, here is a picture of my cock….
You know…. All the shit under the tree used to be for me, before you came…
On this weeks episode of “Elves Gone Wild”….
Get her the Santa Chocolate she’ll love….
Merry Christmas Everyone
Nergfoogle would like to wish all of our readers a Very Merry Christmas.
I personally don’t give a rat’s ass about the holiday. But I figured I should come out of my self created exile, to wish my readers the happiest of seasons…. Bah Humbug!!!
I personally am someone that is happier when this God awful holiday is over. My hatred for the season starts right after Halloween and reaches combustible proportions by the 25th of December. I mean it, I cannot stand this holiday. I believe it is related to all the shit that comes with it. For starters…. Why the fuck are there so many luxury car commercials during this season? Are there really that many people that can afford these over priced cars? Or do the dickheads that buy them demand that we all know how much Santa loves the rich more than the rest of us?
And WHAT THE FUCK is up with that damn, “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” cartoon? You do know it was penned and illustrated by Satan himself, don’t you?
Oh, and now they have introduced headphones that can turn around to allow us all to hear the shit music others are listening to. Because God knows how much we all love to listen to OTHER PEOPLES music. I got stuck in an elevator with some 11 year old little shit, listening to Justin Bieber… She turned those damn things around to fill the closed confines we were all in with the blood draining sounds that only a prepubescent could enjoy. I truly considered suicide at that moment….. More like murder suicide I guess.
The only solace I got out of this holiday season was that I was able to finally tell my son the truth about Santa…… He is an illegal alien and was deported.
But, even though I am not a fan of the season, I still do try to put on my best face for everyone else. And that is why I have dragged an oldie but a goody out of the deep dark regions of Hot Lard. Below is a Christmas mad lib I did several years ago. And because it is so loved (and I am lazy as hell) I’ve decide to beat this dead horse one more time for your enjoyment. Also, nergfoogle has not been around long enough to build as chilling, frighting, and soul sucking of a search terms list as Hot Lard has.
So, sit back relax and enjoy this Christmas gift from nergfoogle and Hot Lard.
A Very Merry Hot Lard Mad lib
We are placing a Christmas Mad lib in your stocking. What we did for this one was to take the x-mas classic “The Night Before Christmas” and added all the sweet little search terms you horny elves have used to find our jolly little site. Remember, the red bold type words are the ones you reindeer rapist have come up with.
If you like, click on the video below to listen to sweet sweet Christmas music as you read.
The Christmas Adventures of Midget Porn
‘Twas the night before midget anal sex, when all through the HOT RUSSIAN WHORE
Not a tard was stirring, not even a crazy crack whore;
The redneck bras were hung by the hot anal women with care,
In hopes that dickchop.com soon would be there;
The lard ass girls were nestled all snug in their smelly pussy,
While visions of fat midget porn danced in their heads;
And Liliya Galimowa in her ‘kerchief, and Midget Porn in a gay redneck ass,
Had just settled down for a long anal aftermath,
When out on the rainbow bright there arose such a ejaculation,
I sprang from mary kate olsen’s butt to see what was the matter.
Away to the nude nuns I flew like a “crack head”,
Tore open the ass raping mother fucker and anal fucked the gay midget.
The vanessa hudgens on the breast of the new-fallen anal bumps
Gave the lustre of an anal sex woman below,
When, what to my wondering nut sack should appear,
But a midget granny fucker, and eight tiny fat hairy midgets,
With a little old nude redneck , so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment HOW TO SWALLOW GALLONS OF CUM
More rapid than fart porn his coursers they painted a face,
And he farted, and Shit in his pants, and called them by name;
“Now, anal sex! now, vampire smile! now, ugly teen and little russian pussy!
On, funny ejaculate! on jimi hendrix! on, jesus fucking christ and john holmes is a pussy!
To the top of the nude camp! to the top of the mudfall!
Now anal rape! anal rape! anal rape them all!”
As rotting teeth that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with a tubgirl, mount to the sky,
So up to the tree man the coursers they cum in my eye,
With the sleigh full of hot football gays, and granny midget porn videos too.
And then, in a tub full of seaman, I heard on the roof
The hot midget asses of each little russian nude.
As I drew in my nude 54 yo, and was fucking sick midgets,
Down the large hot asses bad newz kennel came with a bound.
He was dressed all in corn shit, from his big head to his hot anal,
And his russian whore wendy was all tarnished with redneck ejaculation.
A bundle of gay midget movies he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a dickchop explorer just opening his pack.
His redneck teeth — how they twinkled! his lard ass how merry!
His anal whores were like roses, his “corvette hotties” like a cherry!
His droll little cat teeth were drawn up like a little nudie,
And the bukkaki on his chin was as white as the midget ejaculation;
The naked picture of vanessa hudgens he held tight in his teeth,
And the hot anal women encircled his head like a nude midget;
He had a broad Jessica Lunsford and a little round hot highschool jock,
That shook, when spitting seman like a bowlful of flat russian whores fucking
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old gay redneck midget.
And I laughed when I saw him ejaculate, on Midgets dress like elves;
A wink of his hot teen sphincter and a twist of his adult diaper,
Soon gave me to know how to do anal sex;
He spoke about DRUNK GIRLS puking and went straight to his anal hurts,
And filled all the russian midgets; then turned with a double d midget whore,
And laying his crack pipe aside of his skinny midget,
And giving a nod, up the crack whore anal he rose;
He sprang to his john couey, to his tard midget gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like hot french hookers.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
“Burn in Hell, Mother Fucker, and i masturbated on your wife“.
Happy Halloween everyone!!!
Please have a very happy, spooky, & safe holiday. I hope all you guys get all the candy you desire and all you girls look really good in your sexy nurse, or sexy librarian. or sexy potato salad outfits.
Here are a few observations for the spooky season.
Ummmmm….. A picture would have worked also.
Halloween Parenting level, “AWESOME”!!!
Trick or Treat kitty… AHHHHHHHHH you got tricked!!!!
What happened when my wife asked me if she looked good in her sexy nurse costume..
Click to see gif
Oh no, that little boy is getting eaten by a little dinosaur!!
Tiger has seen some unspeakable shit in prison…
Oh Great…. The one day I sunbath nude, the Google satellite takes a picture of my yard.
Quite possibly the hardest decision he will ever have to make…
Check out my Miley Cyrus costume…
I have a special Halloween bag I use for those houses that hand out apples….
No time to take cigarette out of mouth…. Must drink beer now!
Why the fuck are you even doing your hair? You will never get laid wearing that!!!
This is scarier than a zombie Apocalypse…
Click to see gif
My jumping skills are…..
You have done too much Internet… it’s time to shut off you computer…
Click to see gif
I just threw this last one in to mess with you all..