Here are a few Christmas observations, before I go back into exile.
Here is some nice X-mas music to enjoy as you go through these….
Hey Charlie Brown…… Let’s kill Lucy
Reindeer’s Big Night…. and guilt ridden morning.
Santa: Here is the ball you wanted Billy….
Billy: Kill me Santa…
Also gotta send someone to deal with the “Naughty List” you know….
Time to do some last minute Christmas shopping for the family members I’m not so close to….
The Nintendo game I would have liked to see when I was a kid….
Christmas is FABULOUS!!!!!
Let is snow….. Let it snow….. Let is snow.
I’ve placed a mistletoe above something, and you all get to kiss it.
You want a Coke mother fucker????
Here is a Kiss under the missile toes…
As a Christmas gift to you all, here is a picture of my cock….
You know…. All the shit under the tree used to be for me, before you came…
On this weeks episode of “Elves Gone Wild”….
Get her the Santa Chocolate she’ll love….
Merry Christmas Everyone
Nergfoogle would like to wish all of our readers a Very Merry Christmas.
I personally don’t give a rat’s ass about the holiday. But I figured I should come out of my self created exile, to wish my readers the happiest of seasons…. Bah Humbug!!!
I personally am someone that is happier when this God awful holiday is over. My hatred for the season starts right after Halloween and reaches combustible proportions by the 25th of December. I mean it, I cannot stand this holiday. I believe it is related to all the shit that comes with it. For starters…. Why the fuck are there so many luxury car commercials during this season? Are there really that many people that can afford these over priced cars? Or do the dickheads that buy them demand that we all know how much Santa loves the rich more than the rest of us?
And WHAT THE FUCK is up with that damn, “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” cartoon? You do know it was penned and illustrated by Satan himself, don’t you?
Oh, and now they have introduced headphones that can turn around to allow us all to hear the shit music others are listening to. Because God knows how much we all love to listen to OTHER PEOPLES music. I got stuck in an elevator with some 11 year old little shit, listening to Justin Bieber… She turned those damn things around to fill the closed confines we were all in with the blood draining sounds that only a prepubescent could enjoy. I truly considered suicide at that moment….. More like murder suicide I guess.
The only solace I got out of this holiday season was that I was able to finally tell my son the truth about Santa…… He is an illegal alien and was deported.
But, even though I am not a fan of the season, I still do try to put on my best face for everyone else. And that is why I have dragged an oldie but a goody out of the deep dark regions of Hot Lard. Below is a Christmas mad lib I did several years ago. And because it is so loved (and I am lazy as hell) I’ve decide to beat this dead horse one more time for your enjoyment. Also, nergfoogle has not been around long enough to build as chilling, frighting, and soul sucking of a search terms list as Hot Lard has.
So, sit back relax and enjoy this Christmas gift from nergfoogle and Hot Lard.
A Very Merry Hot Lard Mad lib
We are placing a Christmas Mad lib in your stocking. What we did for this one was to take the x-mas classic “The Night Before Christmas” and added all the sweet little search terms you horny elves have used to find our jolly little site. Remember, the red bold type words are the ones you reindeer rapist have come up with.
If you like, click on the video below to listen to sweet sweet Christmas music as you read.
The Christmas Adventures of Midget Porn
‘Twas the night before midget anal sex, when all through the HOT RUSSIAN WHORE
Not a tard was stirring, not even a crazy crack whore;
The redneck bras were hung by the hot anal women with care,
In hopes that dickchop.com soon would be there;
The lard ass girls were nestled all snug in their smelly pussy,
While visions of fat midget porn danced in their heads;
And Liliya Galimowa in her ‘kerchief, and Midget Porn in a gay redneck ass,
Had just settled down for a long anal aftermath,
When out on the rainbow bright there arose such a ejaculation,
I sprang from mary kate olsen’s butt to see what was the matter.
Away to the nude nuns I flew like a “crack head”,
Tore open the ass raping mother fucker and anal fucked the gay midget.
The vanessa hudgens on the breast of the new-fallen anal bumps
Gave the lustre of an anal sex woman below,
When, what to my wondering nut sack should appear,
But a midget granny fucker, and eight tiny fat hairy midgets,
With a little old nude redneck , so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment HOW TO SWALLOW GALLONS OF CUM
More rapid than fart porn his coursers they painted a face,
And he farted, and Shit in his pants, and called them by name;
“Now, anal sex! now, vampire smile! now, ugly teen and little russian pussy!
On, funny ejaculate! on jimi hendrix! on, jesus fucking christ and john holmes is a pussy!
To the top of the nude camp! to the top of the mudfall!
Now anal rape! anal rape! anal rape them all!”
As rotting teeth that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with a tubgirl, mount to the sky,
So up to the tree man the coursers they cum in my eye,
With the sleigh full of hot football gays, and granny midget porn videos too.
And then, in a tub full of seaman, I heard on the roof
The hot midget asses of each little russian nude.
As I drew in my nude 54 yo, and was fucking sick midgets,
Down the large hot asses bad newz kennel came with a bound.
He was dressed all in corn shit, from his big head to his hot anal,
And his russian whore wendy was all tarnished with redneck ejaculation.
A bundle of gay midget movies he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a dickchop explorer just opening his pack.
His redneck teeth — how they twinkled! his lard ass how merry!
His anal whores were like roses, his “corvette hotties” like a cherry!
His droll little cat teeth were drawn up like a little nudie,
And the bukkaki on his chin was as white as the midget ejaculation;
The naked picture of vanessa hudgens he held tight in his teeth,
And the hot anal women encircled his head like a nude midget;
He had a broad Jessica Lunsford and a little round hot highschool jock,
That shook, when spitting seman like a bowlful of flat russian whores fucking
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old gay redneck midget.
And I laughed when I saw him ejaculate, on Midgets dress like elves;
A wink of his hot teen sphincter and a twist of his adult diaper,
Soon gave me to know how to do anal sex;
He spoke about DRUNK GIRLS puking and went straight to his anal hurts,
And filled all the russian midgets; then turned with a double d midget whore,
And laying his crack pipe aside of his skinny midget,
And giving a nod, up the crack whore anal he rose;
He sprang to his john couey, to his tard midget gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like hot french hookers.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
“Burn in Hell, Mother Fucker, and i masturbated on your wife“.
You should tie the shoe laces of the dead together.
So when the zombie apocalypses occurs, it will be hilarious to watch them…
Hello all, sorry for a long period of absence from posting. I’ve been away for a while. It’s sort of difficult to explain exactly where I’ve been for the past few weeks, so I’ll just say I was in prison. I”m sure that is an explanation you’d all find plausible for the likes of me.
I’m back for a short period of time… I say that because I know I’ll break my probation and get sent back soon. But before I disappear again, I thought I’d share some of my Observations with you.
Oh by the way, just in case I miss it, I’d like to wish you all a Happy Holiday Season… and a Happy New Year…. And a Happy Easter…. Valentines Day, Fourth of July, Summer Solstice, Memorial Day, Halloween, National Potato Day, Elvis’s Birthday, National Skid Marks Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Chanukah, Kwanza, and any other heathenish holidays you blood thirsty degenerates will be celebrating in 2014.
The wheels on the bus go….. NOWHERE!
I believe there is an evil soul living in my cell phone.
Last year I slipped Santa a mickey in the milk and cookies I left him, and then stole all his toys…
What I do 90% of the time while I am at work….
How I felt after Thanksgiving dinner… and whenever I eat really bad Mexican food.
Need to click the link to see gif
Someday, Little Toot….. Someday.
What if Disney animation went in a different direction?
Close the door quicker please….
So I guess if you fail at one, you can always try the other…
My wife and I used to use shows on Nickelodeon to keep our children busy when we wanted to have “sexy time”. But that all had to stop one unfortunate day…
Wal-Mart continues to show how much they care about their employees… By selling products even they can afford.
What a Kung-Fu movie would look like, if I stared in it…
Apparently, water makes boobs grow….
I wonder what is grown here…
Aw, Fuck…. I just bought a boat.
I’m still considering the whole Disney animation going a different direction thing…
…. and what if Batman animation was made to serve certain fetishes?
…. and Care Bear cartoons had more of an edge to them?
… and champagne commercials had a hidden meaning?
…. and trucks were full of large golden penises.
No Spongebob…. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Holiday travel can be killer…
What if Santa did not have his iconic white beard….?
Need to click to see gif
AND YOOOOOOOOOOOOOUU….YOUSH LIGHT UP MY LIIIIIIIIIIIIIFE…. *BURP*
Hello Ladies…. My eyes are up here.
After a meal at Taco Bell… This is a Stairway to Heaven.
My wife does not allow me to do the Christmas decorations any more…
Ummmmmmmmmmmmmm…. I got nothing.
That’s all I have for now… I’m outta here
Oh wait, I almost forgot the cute kitty photos to help me increase hits on my site….