Happy Halloween everyone!!!
Please have a very happy, spooky, & safe holiday. I hope all you guys get all the candy you desire and all you girls look really good in your sexy nurse, or sexy librarian. or sexy potato salad outfits.
Here are a few observations for the spooky season.
Ummmmm….. A picture would have worked also.
Halloween Parenting level, “AWESOME”!!!
Trick or Treat kitty… AHHHHHHHHH you got tricked!!!!
What happened when my wife asked me if she looked good in her sexy nurse costume..
Click to see gif
Oh no, that little boy is getting eaten by a little dinosaur!!
Tiger has seen some unspeakable shit in prison…
Oh Great…. The one day I sunbath nude, the Google satellite takes a picture of my yard.
Quite possibly the hardest decision he will ever have to make…
Check out my Miley Cyrus costume…
I have a special Halloween bag I use for those houses that hand out apples….
No time to take cigarette out of mouth…. Must drink beer now!
Why the fuck are you even doing your hair? You will never get laid wearing that!!!
This is scarier than a zombie Apocalypse…
Click to see gif
My jumping skills are…..
You have done too much Internet… it’s time to shut off you computer…
Click to see gif
I just threw this last one in to mess with you all..
There is no greater feeling than the one you get after helping someone out. Nothing is better than to give an answer to a question that some poor, lost soul cannot figure out on their own.
Well, as my continuing quest to make nergfoogle more personable, I have reached out to those in need of help, and have delivered it.
Today’s journey takes us to Yahoo Answers. If you are not sure what that is, let me educate you. Yahoo Answers is a place that the lost, lonely, and confused can go and ask questions on topics like, relationships, politics, health, education, and much, much more. Then anyone….. And I do mean anyone, can step up and help these poor souls, by answering their questions with the knowledge they have accumulated over their years on this earth.
This evening I decide to help 5 individuals with their questions on relationships. I believe my many years as a barn yard porn mogul makes me an expert in art of relationships.
Below you will see the questions these poor souls asked and below that you will see the answers that were given. You will of course see my hansom mug next to what is naturally the correct answer.
Hopefully after reading these we can all became a little closer… and who knows, made we will all learn something too.
(Click to enlarge)
Yes, sharing is caring… and today I shared my ass off.
Oh and before any of you get your panties in a bunch and ask how could I do this to these people…? Remember, they went to YAHOO ANSWERS to ask total strangers personal questions… They got everything they deserved.
Was supposed to have vacation this week, but it was cancelled.
I was literally 30 minutes from leaving work for a week, when they broke the news to me.
I had this vacation approved over a month ago. But I guess it’s true what they say….
Maybe it’s time for me to start my dream job….
This was me getting up Monday morning for work…
This is me all day at work…
Click to see gif
Next time it is 30 minutes until I leave for vacation and my boss walks into my office…..
Even though you are someone of humble means and income…
Always remember this; You may not have much……….
I said on this new site I would do some more personable posts. So here is the first.
It’s fall; when the leaves change and we start to feel that chill in the air. Gone are the days of shorts and tank-tops and in are sweatshirts and windbreakers. Out are days at the beach or the pool, in are the days of raking leaves and watching football all Saturday and Sunday. And along with all these changes of the seasons, there seems to be one thing that is on everybody’s mind….. Chili.
Ahhhhhh Chili, the food of the Gods. That culinary convection that can make any beer drinking, sports loving nimrod a master chef. And let me tell you , I’m the biggest nimrod of them all….. Uh wait…
Anywho… I make one hell of a good chili. GOOD AND HOT!!!! Yes, it is my belief that chili should be so hot, that it will thin the herd by killing off the weak and only leaving the strong behind to fight for the leftovers. A hot chili is the best way to tell that special someone, “I love you”….. Or it could also be used to kill off that individual you don’t care that much about. Either way, it’s a win, win for you. Hot Chili is everything that is right in the universe. Chili that is not hot is……. Stew.
Once a year I would have a chili cook at my place of work, I’d make two crock-pots of my, “Not Yer Momma’s” chili and my co-workers would bring in all the sides. To prove how hot my chili is, this was the waver I made them sign.
I wasn’t really concerned about their safety mind you. Actually I would have preferred to kill off about 90% of them. I just didn’t want any light weight, crawling into my office, wheezing, crying, and snot running down their nose, bitching that my chili was tooooooooooooooo hot.
Now, as a gift you you (My wonderful readers) I give you the recipe for my world famous “Not Yer Mamma’s” Chili……. Those of you who try it, may God have mercy on your souls.
- 1 lb Hamburger
- 1 lb Chopped Steak
- Summer Sausage
- 1 – Chocolate Bar
- Green / Red / Yellow Peppers
- 9 – Jalapeños Peppers
- 2 – Habanera Peppers
- Can of Pineapple Chunks
- Banana Peppers (Whole, not cut)
- 2 – Large cans of Tomato Sauce (One chunky, one plain)
- Chili Powder. (Hot)
- Habanera Tabasco Sauce
- Crushed Red Peppers
- 1 – Large can of Chili Beans (Hot)
- 1 – Onion
- 1 – Can of Black Beans
- 1 – Can of Kidney Beans
- Garlic Tabasco Sauce
- Chipolata Tabasco Sauce
After reading this, I know there are always four questions that follow.
Question 1: (Insert whiny voice here) I don’t think my crock-pot can hold all of that.
Answer 1: (Picture me ripping my shirt off to expose my Herculean chest and chest hair) Fuck you! This chili demands a real crock-pot.. a manly crock-pot… A crock-pot where the porcelain bowl was forged by muscular demigods in the heart of a volcano in the land or Mordor.
Question 2: (Insert whiny voice with tears rolling down their face) There are no measurements for the ingredients.
Answer 2: (Picture me with my chest exposed and wearing a grizzly bear skull as a nut cup) Fuck you, real cooks do not measure, they add for taste.
Question 3: (Insert whiny voice, with tears rolling down their face and snot bubbles popping) But I thought “Real Chili” does not have beans in it.
Answer 3: (Picture my manly chest, grizzly bear nut cup, and me bench pressing VW Bugs) Hmmmmmm…. Let me think about that for a moment… Oh I know… (SMACK) … Don’t make me bitch slap you like that again. Real chili can have whatever the fuck you want to put in it. Mine has beans, and “Not Yer Mamma’s” chili is the cornerstone to all chili’s. Now pick up your eye. It must have popped out of your skull when I slapped you.
Question 4: (Insert cowering in a corner, sitting in a puddle of urine, crying and soiling their pants) Ch… Ch… Chocolate????
Answer 4: (Picture me glowing brighter than the sun) Why yes, it helps to make it sweet………………………………………….. Oh, and one more thing……. (SMACK)
For the few of you that would be brave enough to try this chili…. Here is a photo of how it should look…… But start the video first before scrolling down to it. Also scroll slowly to enhance your experience..
I know…. I know… It takes your breath away.
I’d like to hear back from any of you brave enough to try this.
My 19 year old daughter just came home from work. She ate a quick supper and went straight to her room.
I’m on my 7th glass of wine and have stuck my head into her room 4 times and said…
She has no clue what I am doing…
I’m such a good dad.
Welcome to the new office of nergfoogle…
Just finished carrying in the last few boxes to the new nergfoogle office. As you can see it is much smaller than the offices of Hot Lard. But that is what I wanted. I’m tired of the big and gaudy that was Hot Lard. I’m now more into the small and friendly. Gone are the days of the Hot Lard Kill Rooms, and in are the days of the coffee bar. Out are the days of the midget hooker rodeos, and in are the days of the Prius hybrid cars. Out are the days of making millions from my barn yard porn empire, in are charity drives and equal rights marches. Ah, yes, the good feeling of….. hmmmm… Wait a minute…. Something is not right… I’m not sure what it is. There is something wrong, I assure you, but I just cannot put my finger on it…. but what??? What is the problem??
Oh well, if it was something important,I’m sure I’d remember it. Next week I’m taking signatures for the Clean Power Act and the next Occupy Wall Street. Plus I’m going to use the rest of my money to….
< WARNING> * <WARNING>* THE AUTHOR OF THIS POST IS ON HIS 4TH GLASS OF WINE. nergfoogle TAKES NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE REMAINDER OF THIS POST.
…. and I have joined the international brotherhood for the right of cows and chickens to marry. Yes, it’s great to actually do things for the good of others. It has filled that hole in my heart and will let me work on a whooooooooooooo….Holy fucking shit I remembered what I forgot….
I’M A REPUBLICAN!!!!
Oh fuck, I have really messed up bad.. Oh shit… Oh Fuck… What the hell am I going to do?
I cannot believe I just gave away all my shit!!! What the hell am I going to do??? I want my SUV, I want my midget hookers. For god sakes, I VOTED FOR REAGAN….. TWICE!!!!!
Sigh… While I figure this out, check out these observations…
It’s high five day at the office…
Damn, the Olympics are getting tough…
Rock on Kitty!!!!
When the cute girl at the office asked me to cover her with white stuff… This is not what I thought she meant.
I’m on my 5th glass of wine… LET’S DANCE!!!
Need to click on the gif to see it
You ever smell a fart and not know where it came from?
I think my cat is trying to freak me out… (Editors Note: you really should smoke a bowl and watch this for the next three hours)
The Kitty Matrix…
This is quite possibly the most awesome thing I’ve ever seen…. (And I have just enough wine in me to try it right now)
A different meaning to the term of, “Touch Em All”… and I like it!!!
Fuck you bitch, this is now my gym…
It’s hard to argue with a building…
I believe someone has slipped something into my drink…
I’m at that part of the drunk where I’m getting hungry, But……
I’m too drunk to do any spell checking on this psot……